02 June, 2020

Lonely, you don't have to be lonely

Finally out of lockdown!

The last time I had felt really lonely was in 2016 during a 10-day solo road trip in Western Australia. Back then I had experienced loneliness being alone without any sound or company although in a limitless and grandiose scenery. I had driven for two days up North and then two days back down South across the bush, with only scarce FM radio signal and no music recordings with me.

During the covid-19 lockdown I experienced loneliness again for a full month. I was not bored. On the contrary, my time at work was extended to cope with the new working conditions: my whole team of 35 civil servants were suddenly all teleworking without the proper equipment or IT infrastructure. Though purely administrative, our mission had been declared "essential" by the government. So we had to find ways of ensuring we could keep servicing our clients remotely. I kept going to the office every day to make sure IT was working for all of my colleagues, sending by email the files on the server they no longer had access to, scanning incoming mail to them so that they could service our clients' requests. The office was deserted: we were usually 5 or 6 people in a building normally meant to hold 200. Anyway, we had to avoid each other for fear of spreading the virus. Lonely at work.

All my social singing and sports activities were of course cancelled because of lockdown. Lonely after work.

To make things worse, during the second week of March, my parents were still travelling in Australia and their flight back to France was meant to go through Singapore and Hong Kong to arrive in Paris, all three locations where the covid-19 virus was actively circulating. I was not sure they would be able to fly back safely. If they did fly back to Paris, would they have to self-isolate in a hotel full of other potentially sick people? In the French context of very strict lockdown enforced by police, would they be able to travel from Paris back to the much isolated -and thus safer- country house in Southwest France? Although the sanitary conditions in Pau were under control, all this uncertainty was very stressful for me.

At home, radio and internet worked fine. I had the radio going on most of the time to listen to soothing music. However, because working conditions were deteriorated, I would come back at home rather late in the evening and only had time to eat, wash and go to bed before going back to the office the next morning. I managed to keep myself occupied during normal weekends for the first month of lockdown in my small apartment. However, I reached my limit during the three-day Easter weekend. I felt really lonely all alone at home.

By then, my parents had safely come back to their country house from Paris and had passed their 14 days of self-isolation. I could go see them. My Director had suggested I go telework from my parents' house rather than be lonely at home and lonely at work. I gladly took his offer to issue me a special travel authorisation to leave Pau.

My second month of lockdown with my parents was much more pleasant. Gratned: very slow internet access in the countryside hampered my teleworking. However, I had space, diverse home-cooked food, and company. I was no longer lonely.

After the lockdown ended the three of us had a fresh haircut.




My name is Tallulah
From the original motion picture Bugsy Malone, Paramount Pictures